That's what the dictionary calls grief.
But to a person who is dealing with or has dealt with it, it is far more deeper than that.
It is the suffocating, it is completely consuming, it is life altering.
Everyone enters it differently, everyone process through it differently, everyone tries to come out of it, differently.
It's a constant fight to function, to keep your head above the engulfing waves of pain, emotion, and side effects that lead to depression, anxiety, insomnia, nightmares, fatigue, and much more.
It's a new way of life. It's a new daily struggle to either fight through it or let it take over.
It's knowing life will never be the same, you just have to adjust to the new normal.
Grief makes you question ever ounce of your faith, every ounce of your strength. Grief makes you look at life in a whole new way.
It causes you to put on a face and a front that you're okay, when really you're wondering how you're even going to survive.
Grief puts you at your weakest fearing the worst, all while trying to be as strong as possible.
You wake up everyday and the nightmare is replayed again, bringing only more distance to the last time you were physically close to that loved one.
You ache at the what could've and what should've. At the wonders and empty pages.
But here is the back side, you can't let that grief, and brokenness control you. It's going to change you, you'll never be the same again that is for sure. But you can't let it ruin you. You deserve more, and the person who you're grieving deserves their memory to be carried on stronger than that. You deserve to carry on stronger than that.
Grief will never fully leave, and you will forever miss that loved one. But help yourself, help someone else and know there is no time frame, no special magic button to make it better. Time helps healing. Memories and grief go hand in hand. Your memories will bring back the happiest of times and will also remind you of the loss and bring back the hardest of times. Do those in honor and joy. Share those times with others and remember you're never alone. Someone else is processing their grief with you. Someone else has already made it over to the other side where the pain lessens, where you can start to see the sun again and start to feel human. Keep pushing, keep going, keep fighting!
Not long after we got our daughters diagnosis I heard the Fight Song By Rachel Platten
I knew Paisley was going to have a fight song, I knew she was going to push through this and fight this her whole life. I just never imagined her life would be so short, but every little bit of those 12 days she fought with everything she had twice as hard.
Because of her I will NOT let this pain consume me. I will NOT give up. I will NOT let her memory be shown that way. I will NOT give up on the life she never got to live.
"She is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me."
I refuse to let the pain control my life, and to lead my way. I refuse to let the anxiety and depression own me.
1 Peter 5:7
7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
I am holding fast onto what I know to be true. I am moving forward and learning to be the new me. I am broken but still alive. I am the face of grief. But I am the face of a life still living!
Find your fight song. Sing that fight song loud, proud, and from the depths of your soul. Because deep down we all have a lot of fight left!
