Our Plans... Gods steps.

We all have plans on what we want to do, where we want to go, and even how we're going to get there... But what we forget to take into count is that our plans fall after God's steps.

 He leads the way, and he knows the path we're going to take. 

"The steps of man are established by the lord, when he delights his way." Psalms 37:23

We can plan all we want, but in the end God's steps that are pre-planned 

long before we ever existed will be the way we are going to go.

 "Before you were born I knew you...." Jeremiah 1:5

This blog post started from Sunday's sermon at church. 

Sunday was a rough morning. I got very little sleep Saturday night, which is normal now a days, but Sunday was different. My mind and attitude were not with it. I was hurting more than most days, and just felt like staying in bed all day. Well, God blessed me with a little boy who reminded me it was time for church, so off we went. On the way there the beauty of the day reminded me how lucky I was to be in this day and made me think back on my last Sunday with Paisley-Ann as the weather was similar. As we got into church and I heard what the sermon would be about my heart shifted... I needed this sermon. I was here for a reason. God's steps led me there to help my heart and mind get back to where it needed to be, and to leave the negativity behind.

Though I know this deep in my heart and I have heard it 1000x, God's steps for Paisley-Ann was to come into this world, do everything he had planned for her, and to then call her back home just 12 days later. Even with how hard that is to understand I know it is what she was meant to do. 

"Before she was born he knew her, he formed her in my womb." 

Last spring when we found out we were having another blessing our plan was that we would be raising a healthy, happy baby. But that was not the steps God had in mind for her. 

God gave us these steps to take us down this road and NONE of it makes sense. I still (and probably always will) fight with the "Why her" that creeps up on my hardest days. The plans I had for her and our family have been altered by the steps God set down.

 I am learning how accept the change and trust in him as I take these strange, painful, and rough steps. But I know they are supported by someone so great and amazing that I can't help to be anxious at watching what they lead to. 

His steps have and will continue to take us exactly where he want's us to go so it 

will bring the most glory to him. 

A hard of this is that all the beautiful plans we had for her will not be put into action. 

The battle of knowing the course we had planned is forever changed.

In our plan we saw waiting patiently for Paisley-Ann to get stronger to be able to receive a transplant, we saw watching her grow and become a beautiful young girl. We pictured all the family adventures and activities, the milestones, and memories. But those weren't God's steps. 

In just 12 days I watched my daughter fight and go through more than most people face their entire life. I watched her touch more lives and people than many of us could ever dream of touching. 

Our plan was NOTHING like what has played out but these steps come with so much love, and joy that we can have comfort in this outcome of sadness.

The days I feel like I can't move on I feel the comfort of knowing Christ has my next step 

 and I am able to take it.

I know I HAVE to take it.

Paisley-Ann fought and gave so much from her tiny little body that I know can do the same as she deserves that. She gave her all every single day, she took those steps with so much strength and I have to do the same and will do the same.

I may stumble and sometimes fall, but I will get back up and take another one.

Though I do not know what the steps are looking like in the future or even in tomorrow. I am trusting in the one that lays them down and knowing that he will be there to guide me as I take each one. I am looking less at our plans now and following more in the steps. Tomorrow is never promised, today is given. I am striving to make that stand and live for the moment. To embrace the pain and share the light. The broken will be whole again one day, and one day my plans wont matter, only the steps I followed. <3

"The heart of a man plays his way, but the lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9