Today as I was watching a TV show, it had a mom who had just lost her daughter on it. As the mom was explaining how she felt and the things she will never get to do it instantly brought tears to my eyes as my heart began to ache again as I often think of those same things.
Just last night Steve and I were talking about how she would look now, and how big she would have gotten. Remembering back on when we experienced those things with Wyatt as we both said "I wish we could see her do those."
Not long ago while on a late night Pinterest spree I stumbled across a saying....
Just last night Steve and I were talking about how she would look now, and how big she would have gotten. Remembering back on when we experienced those things with Wyatt as we both said "I wish we could see her do those."
Not long ago while on a late night Pinterest spree I stumbled across a saying....
This saying hit me hard as it again began to make my heart ache. It made it ache as it is 100% true. We did not only loose our baby girl, but we lost watching her grow. We lost the milestones and memories. I lost helpinh pick out her wedding dress and getting her ready. Steve lost walking her down the aisle. We lost the family we had visioned as the 4 of us. We lost it all.
Tonight as I spent sometime with my friend who had her little girl premature, 2 weeks before Paisley was born. The thoughts of how it would be having my girl here couldn't escape my mind. During our pregnancies we talked about how they would be best friends as they grew up, and how we could not wait to see them together. That is gone. I will never get to see the friends she could have had, and the things they could have done together.
While here Wyatt asked to hold her. He so eagerly climbed onto the couch and got his arms ready the way we had practiced for 9 months awaiting the arrival of his sister. Once in his arms he rocked her, and told her she was okay as she got fussy. He tickled her little fingers and laughed, laughed so full of life. I watched him do what I had dreamed he would do with Paisley as I grew her inside me for 9 months. We lost our daughter and he lost his sister. He will not be able to teach her swim in the tub as he told me he was going to do a few weeks before her arrival. He will not be able to play race cars or share snacks.
We truly lost it all.
Tonight as I spent sometime with my friend who had her little girl premature, 2 weeks before Paisley was born. The thoughts of how it would be having my girl here couldn't escape my mind. During our pregnancies we talked about how they would be best friends as they grew up, and how we could not wait to see them together. That is gone. I will never get to see the friends she could have had, and the things they could have done together.
While here Wyatt asked to hold her. He so eagerly climbed onto the couch and got his arms ready the way we had practiced for 9 months awaiting the arrival of his sister. Once in his arms he rocked her, and told her she was okay as she got fussy. He tickled her little fingers and laughed, laughed so full of life. I watched him do what I had dreamed he would do with Paisley as I grew her inside me for 9 months. We lost our daughter and he lost his sister. He will not be able to teach her swim in the tub as he told me he was going to do a few weeks before her arrival. He will not be able to play race cars or share snacks.
We truly lost it all.
Sometimes I sit here trying to figure out how to go on and how to breath.
Sometimes I smile and feel strength as I think about her and all the cute things I used to watch her do.
Sometimes I smile and feel strength as I think about her and all the cute things I used to watch her do.
Sometimes my heart breaks as I see other moms share precious moments with their baby.
Sometimes I can't help but smile as I listen to Wyatt talk about his sissy and laugh as he scrolls through her pictures.
Sometimes I can't help but smile as I listen to Wyatt talk about his sissy and laugh as he scrolls through her pictures.
Sometimes I don't know if I can ever stop crying.
Sometimes I wonder how we have already made it 36 days since we heard the worst words of our life
Though we really lost it all. We gained so much as well.
Paisley-Ann taught us how to really live. She showed us what it really meant to have strength. She made us see so much we never knew existed. She taught Wyatt how to be a big brother and the best big brother he is. She showed us how to truly have faith and trust Christ in EVERYTHING.
She gave so little in such a short amount of time here. Though some days it seems like it may be easier to just give up and stay in bed all day I know that can't happen. Not only because I have a toddler who tells me when it is time to get up but because Paisley deserves so much more. She gave her everything every single day of her life so for every single day I have here without her I will give my everything. I may have lost it all but I gained so much as well.
She gave so little in such a short amount of time here. Though some days it seems like it may be easier to just give up and stay in bed all day I know that can't happen. Not only because I have a toddler who tells me when it is time to get up but because Paisley deserves so much more. She gave her everything every single day of her life so for every single day I have here without her I will give my everything. I may have lost it all but I gained so much as well.
So please remember on the days when you're enjoying those miles stones and special times with your little one, that though we are happy for you, we are remembering those things that we will not be getting to enjoy with our precious little Paisley. <3
We REJOICE because she's ours.
We PRAY because it's all that pulls us through.
And we are THANKFUL for the awesome God that is keeping our girl safe till we get there.
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