Tonight we joined families everywhere and lit candles in remembrance of the CHD warriors who lost their fight, but especially for our CHD warrior Paisley-Ann.
I am JOYOUS that God knew I was the perfect mommy for Paisley-Ann even if being her mommy on earth was only for a short amount of time.
"But I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you." John 16:22
"But I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you." John 16:22
I am ANGRY that she was given such a horrible disease to fight, to fight with every breath, and everything she had for every second of her life.
"Don't sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent." Psalms 4:4
"Don't sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent." Psalms 4:4
I am HURT that my girl will never got to grow up with the amazing big brother she has.
".... Let the children come to me and do not hinder them, for they belong to the kingdom of heaven" Matthew 19:14
".... Let the children come to me and do not hinder them, for they belong to the kingdom of heaven" Matthew 19:14
I am EMPTY because a piece of my heart, and a piece of this family is in heaven and that hole will never be filled on this earth again.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
I am SAD that we will never be able to watch her grow and watch her become an amazingly beautiful woman.
"... When you go through deep waters I will be with you" Isaiah 43:2
"... When you go through deep waters I will be with you" Isaiah 43:2
I LOVE that she is ours, she is Paisley-Ann Faith Phelps. She was every piece of Steve and I combined into a fighting little warrior and she is ours. God gave her to US.
"We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19
"We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19
I HATE that her life was cut so short.
"When I am afraid I will trust in you" Psalms 56:3
"When I am afraid I will trust in you" Psalms 56:3
But with HATING that her life was cut so short I am
TRUSTING in the reason that God took her so soon. I am TRUSTING in his reasoning for her going home so quickly. I know she completed the job she was given and she is now enjoying her reward in heaven.
"I will walk by faith even when I cannot see" 2 Corinthians 5:7
"I will walk by faith even when I cannot see" 2 Corinthians 5:7
I am EXCITED for the day that we will be home and reunited with her as a family and with our Heavenly Father and creator. Holding her in our arms with no tubes, no wires, no pain, and no time counting down.
"Wait for the lord, be strong, and let your heart take courage, wait for the lord." Psalms 27:14
I have FAITH that we will get through this, because I know God would not have put us here if we could not handle it.
"But the lord stood by me and strengthened me..." 2 Timothy: 4:17
Through all the emotions that we have we also have a huge and strong loving God to help us work through them. Even on the days when every single one and then some of those emotions come rushing to the surface, I am not alone and he is always with me. And better than being with me I know he is with, protecting, and holding my baby girl. How amazing is that. He holds us both and keeps her safe while comforting me.
"The pain the you've been feeling cannot compare to the joy that is coming" Romans 8:18
This pain, this life is only temporary. One day this will all be gone, one day we won't know pain nor will we ever experience it again. That is promised to us in the kingdom of heaven. And oh what a joyous day that will be.
Though every single day I wake up and feel like my heart is shattering into pieces again I stay strong (as can be) and I hold on because I know "I will see you again, cause this is not where it ends."
One day my heart wont be broken anymore, I will have the missing piece of it back and our family will be together again. Because until that time we will never be the same. "Loosing a child is not an event, it is an indescribable journey of survival." Loosing anyone is never something you can just get over and move on from, and loosing a child is no different and harder. A piece of you is gone. That baby I grew inside me and planned to watch grow up is gone. I will never hold her here again, I will never watch all those dreams I had for her come into play. None of that, she is gone and part of me went with her. The person I was 4 weeks ago is gone and I don't know if she will ever come back. It is now working through and trying to find the new me. The mom who has to keep going when half her heart runs around on the playgrounds down here and the other half plays up in heaven.
"In Christ there are no goodbyes" so until we see our precious baby girl again we will continue to move forward, trusting Christ and enjoying all that we have and all that we have been blessed with while trying to find ourselves again.
"Wait for the lord, be strong, and let your heart take courage, wait for the lord." Psalms 27:14
I have FAITH that we will get through this, because I know God would not have put us here if we could not handle it.
"But the lord stood by me and strengthened me..." 2 Timothy: 4:17
Through all the emotions that we have we also have a huge and strong loving God to help us work through them. Even on the days when every single one and then some of those emotions come rushing to the surface, I am not alone and he is always with me. And better than being with me I know he is with, protecting, and holding my baby girl. How amazing is that. He holds us both and keeps her safe while comforting me.
"The pain the you've been feeling cannot compare to the joy that is coming" Romans 8:18
This pain, this life is only temporary. One day this will all be gone, one day we won't know pain nor will we ever experience it again. That is promised to us in the kingdom of heaven. And oh what a joyous day that will be.
Though every single day I wake up and feel like my heart is shattering into pieces again I stay strong (as can be) and I hold on because I know "I will see you again, cause this is not where it ends."
One day my heart wont be broken anymore, I will have the missing piece of it back and our family will be together again. Because until that time we will never be the same. "Loosing a child is not an event, it is an indescribable journey of survival." Loosing anyone is never something you can just get over and move on from, and loosing a child is no different and harder. A piece of you is gone. That baby I grew inside me and planned to watch grow up is gone. I will never hold her here again, I will never watch all those dreams I had for her come into play. None of that, she is gone and part of me went with her. The person I was 4 weeks ago is gone and I don't know if she will ever come back. It is now working through and trying to find the new me. The mom who has to keep going when half her heart runs around on the playgrounds down here and the other half plays up in heaven.
"In Christ there are no goodbyes" so until we see our precious baby girl again we will continue to move forward, trusting Christ and enjoying all that we have and all that we have been blessed with while trying to find ourselves again.
No comments:
Post a Comment