From the time I was a little girl I always dreamed of being a wife and mother. God has blessed me with both of those amazing things, and they're just as great as I had ever dreamed they would be. I was blessed with my first son in November 2013 and it was one of the best moments of my life. Very few things compare to the bond a mother and her little boy share.
August 2015 we received the amazing news we were expecting a little girl and my heart was so full and my dreams began of all the things we would do together, and everything I could teach my princess! (because with a house that has a husband, son, and two male dogs I was beyond ready to share some pink!)
As most of you all know by now we lost our beautiful Paisley-Ann suddenly to her battle with HLHS Monday (1/18/16) Well that.... Was not something I had dreamed, nor ever thought would happen.
In all 24 years of my life I have never watched anyone fighter harder than I watched my daughter fight in her 12 days of life, but she did so with such sass and attitude you couldn't help but smile and laugh.
"She is clothed with strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future." Proverbs 31:25
This was her scripture from the very beginning in my womb.
Paisley-Ann defied everything the doctors said about her from the beginning. Though I still can't believe my baby is gone and it still doesn't feel real, I know exactly where she is at. I know she is completely pain free, she is running and playing in heaven. She hears angels singing and no longer listening to beeps of machines anymore. Though I will no longer hold, touch, smell or see her on earth I will again one day and that glorious day will be amazing. As much as I want my baby girl back I can't help but smile and cry tears of joy. Not only for the fact that she is in heaven and never has to face the ugliness of this cruel world but she will never hurt again, she will never again have someone poke her with needles, or cut into her chest. She is free and whole again. Though my selfish side want's her back I am so thankful she wont experience those things anymore. I know she is in heaven with my Grandpa and he is showing her all the cow pastures they have and taking good care of her until we can get up there and do that.
No parent ever wants to see their child go through or experience what Paisley-Ann went through. HLHS is such horrible and ugly disease.
People ask me how I am doing, and honestly I am horrible and joyous at the same time. I pray for anyone who ever walks the road we have walked with Paisley-Ann and we have prayed many times and will continue to pray over 10w-40 and any other family who ever makes that their temporary home that they will find comfort in Christ and his plan because thats the only plan that ever matters.
The doctors had plans for Paisley-Ann and lord knows all the plans and dreams we had to do with her but that wasn't the plan god had for Paisley-Ann. In just 12 days she completed her work on this earth and he called her home for her reward. Though I have no clue what that plan was or why he made my precious girl go through it all and I may never know I find comfort knowing she completed her job on this earth is enjoying her reward in heaven with our great god. and one day, we will join her there.
So when we think of Paisley-Ann don't dwell on the sad, and the things she will never get to do but instead think of all the things she gets now, and that she see's, because that is what is honestly what is amazing and what we are here for is to complete God's plan for us and go to our forever plan.
Paisley-Ann will be carried with us wherever we go for the rest of our lives and we will have our horrible days, but remembering the joyous times and where she is will help to pull us through until that day.
As most of you all know by now we lost our beautiful Paisley-Ann suddenly to her battle with HLHS Monday (1/18/16) Well that.... Was not something I had dreamed, nor ever thought would happen.
In all 24 years of my life I have never watched anyone fighter harder than I watched my daughter fight in her 12 days of life, but she did so with such sass and attitude you couldn't help but smile and laugh.
"She is clothed with strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future." Proverbs 31:25
This was her scripture from the very beginning in my womb.
Paisley-Ann defied everything the doctors said about her from the beginning. Though I still can't believe my baby is gone and it still doesn't feel real, I know exactly where she is at. I know she is completely pain free, she is running and playing in heaven. She hears angels singing and no longer listening to beeps of machines anymore. Though I will no longer hold, touch, smell or see her on earth I will again one day and that glorious day will be amazing. As much as I want my baby girl back I can't help but smile and cry tears of joy. Not only for the fact that she is in heaven and never has to face the ugliness of this cruel world but she will never hurt again, she will never again have someone poke her with needles, or cut into her chest. She is free and whole again. Though my selfish side want's her back I am so thankful she wont experience those things anymore. I know she is in heaven with my Grandpa and he is showing her all the cow pastures they have and taking good care of her until we can get up there and do that.
No parent ever wants to see their child go through or experience what Paisley-Ann went through. HLHS is such horrible and ugly disease.
People ask me how I am doing, and honestly I am horrible and joyous at the same time. I pray for anyone who ever walks the road we have walked with Paisley-Ann and we have prayed many times and will continue to pray over 10w-40 and any other family who ever makes that their temporary home that they will find comfort in Christ and his plan because thats the only plan that ever matters.
The doctors had plans for Paisley-Ann and lord knows all the plans and dreams we had to do with her but that wasn't the plan god had for Paisley-Ann. In just 12 days she completed her work on this earth and he called her home for her reward. Though I have no clue what that plan was or why he made my precious girl go through it all and I may never know I find comfort knowing she completed her job on this earth is enjoying her reward in heaven with our great god. and one day, we will join her there.
So when we think of Paisley-Ann don't dwell on the sad, and the things she will never get to do but instead think of all the things she gets now, and that she see's, because that is what is honestly what is amazing and what we are here for is to complete God's plan for us and go to our forever plan.
Paisley-Ann will be carried with us wherever we go for the rest of our lives and we will have our horrible days, but remembering the joyous times and where she is will help to pull us through until that day.
Love you guys and I can only hope to be as strong and courageous as you through every obstacle in my life. I look up to the two of you and admire you for your grace and love!
ReplyDeleteYour faith and trust and rock solid belief is inspiring. Until that day....I pray that Jesus would continue to hold you and Steve and your son in HIS arms, that HE would continue to give you HIS peace and let you experience some of the same abundant joy that your daughter is already living in to the fullest!
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